Reblog — How we use defense mechanisms in relationships
How we use defense mechanisms in relationships
People who are in relationships rely heavily on defense mechanisms to make the partners to believe them. These mechanisms have helped many relationships to survive when unwanted things happen. However, they work in the short term while in the long term; they do more harm to the relationships than good. So which ones do we use in relationships?
The most common defense mechanism is the denial. This is where we fail to acknowledge that something happened or there is a threat. A good example is a partner who learns that the lover is cheating on him or her. It is hard to get over something without accepting it first. There are also many people who pretend that a relationship is still there yet it is clear that the partner has moved on.
The other defense mechanism that is common to find is displacement. This is where lovers transfer or discharge emotions on objects that are less threatening. For example a man may beat or shout at the wife yet his emotions were starred elsewhere. It is important for people in relationships to control themselves when displacement defense mechanism is fired so that they can deal with the true enemy. We must avoid attacking our partners after being hurt by those we can’t harm.
Repression can be described as a complete loss of memory related to a painful event. We find that the subconscious mind is trying to avoid remembering that which happened. This is because it can affect our moods negatively. A woman who is beaten by the lover for example for the first time will want to do anything to forget that incident. No one wants to remember such events because all it does is spoil the mood.
Rationalization is a defense mechanism that involves creating an explanation that is self serving or justifying wrong actions. A good example of rationalization is when one notices that the lover is cheating and that person decides to cheat too. Such a person will be saying that he or she is cheating because the partner is doing it. Just as with the other defense mechanisms, it will offer satisfaction for some time. However, it will not solve any problem.
Projection means placing blame upon others, for unwanted events. For example, I may say that I am dating my secretary because my wife is very far. I am shifting the blame for my unjustifiable actions on my wife. It is also a common defense mechanism that we might find ourselves using.